Goodbye Cruel World

for now


i am taking my computer apart now

wont be blogging much for a few months




and i mean it this time!!!


carpe diem

Fun With Britney

I just thought these were funny.


Strip Britney!

The mystery of Britney's Boobies!

The real Britney

I Don't Wonder... I Know!!!

To answer Holly's questions on 4-28…


Ever Wonder? Nope… I know!


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Because you hair is not alive, it cannot react to the rays of light… it only loses color. Your skin is alive and can react. It creates more myosin, which darkens your skin and protects you from the suns harmful UV rays.

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Same thing happens when anyone puts in contacts, or when you put a hook in a minnow. It’s a natural reaction to a forein object near the body. For some it is a preparation for screeming if it hurts.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Because there are no such thing as psychics. They are all losers who wish they were special. If they really were psychic, you would see such a headline.

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Because english is a mutt language.

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Because each patient is a whole new world. No procedure is ever the same, so you cant practice for it. So each operation is like practice.

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Don’t think of anything in terms of stopping or destroying. You have to start the shutdown and create destruction before it exists.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Because lemons don’t taste good…but they smell good.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
It was meant that way, because you shouldn’t trust them with your money.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because you wouldn’t be in a rush if there was no traffic.

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Because most houses have mice readily available, unlike chickens.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Dogs… duh. Or, if the company is really cheap, veitnamese children.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Because the bats needed food.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Because everything needs to be politically correct, even for mass murderers, or shall I say the crazy inclined.

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Because the plane would be too heavy and wouldn’t fly.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Because they arent put in a dryer afterwards.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Because the walls separate the people, keeping them apart, even if you can still hear everything they say and do.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Because it is either where you end your time on the ground, or where you end your time in the sky.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Yes!


So there you have it Holly.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

I am a horrible speller though, so don't bother with that.


Carpe diem!!!

I Am It!!!

I guess I am it…

Erin tagged me.

And she hits hard.


I will complete this, but I wont tag someone else.

Cause I have always hated chain letters…

…

Following this is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you).

Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge...
If I could be a Jedi...


Lets see here…

If I could be a scientist... as I hope to be… I would cure cancer and prove to the US that 51 % of you are idiots!!! I would find a new source for power such as cold fusion, and would make flying cars a reality. And then… you know… the world peace and ending world hunger thing too.

If I could be a missionary... I would travel to far away lands and make people learn English or else they wouldn’t get food!!!

If I could be an actor... I would be a llama riding, midget, traveling proctologist, who is also secretly a backup dancer for britney spears on weekends. The show would be called “Taking It In The Butt” and would run on the WB for one episode before being dropped.

If I could be a judge... I would sentence all rapists to being castrated, and I would give the same sentence to the stupid people who file dumb lawsuits such as… I am stupid and spilled coffee on myself. Those people shouldn’t reproduce. I would also make the legal drinking age 16, but raise the driving age to 18, like in Germany, and I would make the penalty for drunk driving to be a fine for the first offense, cause people can make mistakes. For any more offenses you lose an eye, making it 3 strikes and you are out. If you somehow get a 4th strike… you will also be castrated. Women would receive the same treatment, but for their 4th strike, they will be changed to a man, and then castrated.

If I could be a Jedi... I would most definitely fall to the dark side. I would cause all the moron drivers to crash, and use mind control to get whatever I want. Instead of opening doors, I would create my own wherever I wanted with my light saber. I just hope I don’t bend my wookie. That would suck.


So there you have it.

Just so you know I am joking with the majority of these answers.

However, it is up to you to figure out which ones!!


Carpe diem.

Cry Me A River.... ... .. .

by the way...

and im not going to glorify his name with capitals

but

justin timberlake sucks

and so does that song that just so happens to have the same title as this... much cooler post



so anyways

what is worth crying about is the fact that soon, we will be moving and i wont have access to my own computer.

sure... i will have access to a computer, but it will only have a dialup connection.

what this means is that nate wont be blogging so much in the future

not at all from june 20th until we get internet in georgia


im going to miss you guys.

hope you all miss me!!!


you bastards


carpe diem


Quote of the day: "Man, he's like a seagull. He'll eat anything."